THIS IS HOW MUCH SEX YOUR WINTER OLYMPIANS HAD IN SOUTH KOREA

As you can imagine, the Olympic Village is practically a giant orgy filled with the most successful and physically attractive people on earth – something far beyond the comprehension of the average television viewer.

An Olympic athlete’s libido towers over us plebs – being over quadruple the size due to ridiculous workout routines and schedules.

You’re probably thinking to yourself, “How do they find time for sex between training?” Well, when it comes to sex, there’s truly no limitations.

We need to understand that these athletes do not obey by the usual laws of gravity and society. These godlike creatures find no obstacle too difficult.

Apparently, by the time it takes one of us ‘normies’ to do a pushup, an athlete has already completed their workout and found time to have sex with a fellow competitor.

Kind of makes me regret not taking up athletics as a kid.

The Olympic Village purchased 450,000 condoms for the 2016 Rio Olympics (enough for each Olympian to have sex 42 times). In 2012, 100,000 condoms were used in the first week of the games, calling for an emergency order for more.

If that doesn’t put into perspective how much fuckery happens in the village or puts you in a state of confused envy, I don’t really know what else to say.

With the Winter Games drawing to a close on Sunday, the world has left an impressive mark on Pyeongchang – the use of Pornhub and Tinder spiking a staggering 348% since the beginning of the games.

Woah.

A SEVERED HEAD WAS FOUND INSIDE A SUITCASE IN OSAKA, JAPAN

A woman’s remains were found in mountains surrounding Osaka and Kyoto this week.

The man police believe to be responsible, Yevgeniy Vasilievich Bayraktar, a New Yorker on vacation, is now in custody being questioned by authorities after the grim revelation.

The 27-year-old victim triggered alarms when she didn’t arrive home from date she’d arranged on a Japanese dating app. Suspicions rose further when Mr. Bayraktar was seen leaving his apartment multiple times with a suitcase unaccompanied.

The head of the woman, who has not been identified, was found inside a hotel room rented by the American tourist.

He has since denied all allegations.

SELF-DRIVING TRUCKS ARE DOING GNARLY BURNOUTS ACROSS LA

It’s not quite the robot uprising we were expecting, but driverless trucks are now giving NASCAR drivers a run for their money.

For most of my life, robots were a huge disappointment. In comparison to their film counterparts, we were limited to toasters with two slots.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun with tech for the time being.

In November, Elon Musk unveiled the first electric semi truck, a truck that is not only good for the environment, but one that drives itself.

With great power comes great responsibility, as a YouTube video of the truck was caught stressing its tires with intense acceleration. Now we can break the rules at the hands of a computer …  take that logic.

You may think you’ve seen this before, and you have.

Back in 1999, The Simpsons predicted driverless trucks used by long haul delivery companies, which is exactly what they are intended for. Companies including UPS and Anheuser-Busch are already in place to be hitting the roads in the near future.

THIS TIME-TRAVELLER FROM 2030 JUST PREDICTED THE FUTURE

Ever wished you could travel back in time and invest in Bitcoin? Or tell yourself not to waste time on that girl/guy/rabbit/lawnmower?

Well, we might be one step closer. A man claiming to be from the future just passed a lie detector test after sharing a number of predictions about the future.

I don’t know about you, but if time travel exists in the future, why haven’t we already heard about it?

Self-professed time traveller Noah said he risked his life to expose the future. Interestingly, his predictions aren’t that far-fetched.

Apparently, within 10 years, humans will be able to fly to Mars, and in the same year, will discover time travel.

In regards to the world around us, Noah says that most cancers will have a cure, and technology will independently run homes. It also appears that we are in for another term of Donald Trump. According to Noah, we’re also in for a seismic, unidentified change in 2028. (Not that helpful here, Noah.)

That gives us 10 years to defeat the Tide Pod Challenge.

CHECK OUT THE NEW STAR WARS TRAILER FEAT. DONALD GLOVER

It’s Super Bowl time, so while half of us cheer on the GOAT Tom Brady, the other half of us are streaming it for the multi-million dollar ad campaigns.

Suss Donald Glover kickin’ it in a cave with a black fur coat at the 00:33 mark:

Last week, Glover announced he was joining the RCA Records crew, alongside a roster including SZA and A$AP Rocky. Referring to it as a “necessary change of pace,” he will be releasing a final album before tackling Hollywood with full force.

New Gambino music is rumoured for release by the end of the year, but for now, we wait in anticipation for the second season of his hit show, Atlanta.

AUSTRALIA’S SET TO BECOME ONE OF THE WORLD’S BIGGEST ARMS EXPORTERS

Is anyone else thinking about the intro to Lord Of War right now? Here’s a refresher:

Malcom Turnbull this week unveiled his Defence Export Strategy, a proposal that aims to put Australia in the top 10 of global arms dealers within the next decade.

Aid groups, international charities, and The Greens reacted in disbelief, calling any initiative to make money from weapons essentially an attempt to bank blood money.

The controversial plan’s been anticipated since mid-2017, when Christopher Pyne, the defence industry minister, said he wanted to start selling far more high-quality, Australian made weapons overseas.

Christopher Pyne

✔@cpyne

Today the Government launched the Defence Export Strategy, setting out the policy and strategy to make Australia one of the top ten global defence exporters within the next decade. Read the Strategy http://www.defence.gov.au/exportstrategy  #auspol #ausdef

10:15 AM – Jan 29, 2018

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Nothing like a spoonful of bad infomercial beats and tangerine gradients to make the medicine go down.

Pyne Identified a number of ‘priority markets’, including the Middle East, the Indo-Pacific region, Europe, the United States, the United Kingdom, Canada and New Zealand.

So, yeah. Essentially everywhere.

 

SUSS SOME SHINY TECH IN THIS NEW BLACK PANTHER CLIP

I’ll be honest, I never really liked superhero flicks. My ex always watched them. Wolverine’s claws and Cyclopes‘ sunnies are tight, but,  honestly, too much CGI.

And what’s with Magneto and his magnets? Bit OP?

Having said that, Black Panther looks legit:

The latest clip teases advanced tech from Wakanda, a fictional home to Black Panther. A bulletproof suit, kinetic energy, and driverless cars actually seem pretty real in the age of Musk.

Kendrick Lamar will be producing the entire soundtrack alongside Top Dawg Entertainment CEO, Anthony ‘Tiffith.

The first drop from the album is a SZA and Kenny collab, All The Stars:

Other confirmed artists include Jay Rock, Future and James Blake, so at least we know the music will be on point.

Black Panther will be dropping on Feb 15.

Ja Rule & 50 Cent Are Reigniting Their Old Beef On Twitter

It wasn’t politics or religion that sparked one of the biggest arguments on the internet today. Instead, an age-old beef has resurfaced between 50 Cent and Ja Rule.

No one can pinpoint exactly why or when the tensions started, but the bad blood has existed between the two for well over a decade.

Some reports suggest 50 Cent was wrongly accused of theft by Ja Rule. Others mention that tension started during a video shoot in their hometown of Queens, NYC.

 Ja Rule is already facing more than a dozen lawsuits filed by ticket buyers and investors in regards to his disastrous  Fyre Festival. Instead of focusing on the matter at hand, he has taken his rage to the keyboard.

In an interview earlier in the week, 50 appeared alongside co-stars O’Shea Jackson Jr and Pablo Schreiber to promote their new film, Den of Thieves. When O’Shea mentions Ja Rule’s name, it sends 50 into a spin. He says he’d ‘knock out’ Ja Rule if he had the opportunity.

Making the whole incident even more bizarre, PornHub then got involved, claiming responsibility for the whole incident.

Roll on, 2018.

 

DRAKE JUST DROPPED TWO NEW TRACKS

Without much warning, Drake took to social media over the weekend to release two new tracks, Diplomatic Immunity and God’s Plan.

Both songs are part of a two-track EP titled Scary Hours, a project kept largely kept under wraps.

God’s Plan was produced by Cardo​, Boi-1da, and YeX, while Diplomatic Immunity was produced by Boi-1da and Nick Brongers.

Champagne Papi’s been busy.

Last year, Drake said he wanted to invest more time in the film industry. Teaming up with Netflix and LeBron James’ production company, he is set to resurrect the British crime drama Top Boy for a third season in 2018.

He also intends to launch his whiskey brand Virginia Black to the public within the coming months.

Five Things You Might Have Missed In The Avengers: Infinity War Trailer

It’s been a massive year for Marvel, but they’re not done yet, unveiling the long-awaited Avengers: Infinity War trailer last week.

With its trailer setting a record for the most views in one day, Infinity War is gearing up to be the biggest blockbuster of 2018.

Everything up to this moment has led to the cosmic battle that is known as Infinity War, and briefly looking at the trailer, it features familiar faces and inconceivable team-ups. As we look deeper, here are five important details you may have missed.

CAPTAIN AMERICA AND HIS RUGGED LOOKS

Emerging from the shadows, a bearded Captain America hints at a severe character development since we last saw him. Sure, it could just be a new look, though unmasked and without a shield, perhaps it could mean a lot more.

By the looks of things, Chris Evans will only be portraying Steve Rogers, because according to director Joe Russo, “him dropping the shield [in Civil War] is also him letting go of that identity.” As the trailer features Bucky Barnes (AKA the Winter Soldier), we may already know who is taking the mantle of Captain America.

A VULNERABLE TONY STARK

Usually, Stark would be armoured and prepared, though several scenes show him without a suit on hand. On Bleeker Street, Stark stands alongside Bruce Banner, Stephen Strange and Wong, but aside from the confusing team up, there is a much more important detail hidden in Stark’s hands. Black dots on his fingers imply a more sophisticated design of armour, such as the bleeding edge, which makes sense now that he has suddenly reinstalled his arc reactor.

A BLACK PANTHER STORYLINE

The Black Panther film hasn’t even been released in cinemas yet, but the trailer features T’Challa and the technological African nation of Wakanda in a very centric light. The sixth Infinity Stone, the soul stone, appears to be hidden in Wakanda, explaining why several Avengers, including Captain America, Black Widow and the Hulk are standing alongside the Wakandan army.

SPIDER SENSES

Absent from Homecoming, Peter Parker now shows off his hair-raising spider senses. Throughout the trailer, Parker scores a generous amount of screen time, because as we know it, he is in it for the long run. Wearing the suit offered by Tony Stark himself, Spider-Man will soon become a key leader in the progression of the MCU.

LOKI, THE GOD OF MISCHIEF

Evidently, Loki took the Tesseract from Asgard at the end of Ragnarok, but with great power comes great responsibility. With the chaotic reign of Thanos, Loki would not survive his wrath keeping the Tesseract in his possession, so the implication begins. Either as a peace offering or the beginning of a troublesome partnership, it seems Loki will be back to basics in his villainous role, posing as a major threat to those who face him.

The fast-paced, action-packed trailer landing earlier in the week shines a light on everything we could have hoped. Though some characters remain absent, it seems nothing is off the cards for Infinity War.

Avengers: Infinity War will be arriving in Australian cinemas on April 25, 2018.